Fear and the Faithfulness of God: Part Two

The delivery day would be soon. I had already worn out talking to the doctors, nurses, my husband, myself.  Yet, I had not worn out God...

I desperately needed His Word throughout everything, as there was grief and there was fear. And for those, there was comfort and there was promise-- specifically this one:

I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalms 34:4

This wasn't just "naming and claiming" a Bible verse. This wasn't treating God's word as if it was a magical incantation or a mantra. It was going to be putting all my eggs in the proverbial basket. If I sought Him, would He answer? Would He really deliver me from all of my fears, as He did with David?  Even the hideously embarrassing fears that I was ashamed to admit? Those were the fears that made me want to run away from Him, not turn toward Him.

God reassured me, "Yes, those ones. Because of my Son, you can." No longer condemned, because I am in Christ Jesus. Because I have been sought after, by Him, I was secure and could seek Him...over and over, with no embarrassment or fear of tiring Him. From that, I sought.

The word "sought" in the Psalm, meant to "resort to, frequent (a place), (tread a place)". To beat a path. As the days dwindled down, and as the anxious feelings rose up, I took them to Him. I had beaten a path, walking it over and over again, to His throne.  It was a humbling reminder of who God was, and who I am. Weak, broken, yet loved by a perfect Father, who would supply my every need.

Those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be ashamed.

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

Psalm 34:5-6

In the Psalm, we can see that a humbling must take place: "those look to him" and "this poor man cried." In the face of fear, the drum of the world beats "You are strong" and the drum of my heart would beat, "You must be strong" and all the while, I lived (and still do..who I am kidding?) in denial because I am actually weak. I know I am not the only one..... but the freedom comes when the shackles of pride fall off, when we start to understand that the heart of God beats, "Come to me, I am your strength." There was freedom for me to lay it all before Him and admit my weakness;  my brokenness as a person and my sin. I could trust that He would deliver me from my fears, whether it would be the fear of "failure" as I saw it, or the fear of holding my son, after weeks of decay.

What did His deliverance look like on February 10th, 2012?